Day One

It with sadness, yet relief, I have come the the conclusion that I have failed as a mom.  Mom teach their kids things, help them grow, be responsible, and learn to care for themselves.  Sadly, none of my children want any part in these activities.  They would much rather just have fun, not be bothered by me, and certainly not ever have to do anything for themselves.  They don't want to participate in any family things to benefit the family - such as cleaning, laundry, taking care of the house and yard, take out the trash - any basic activities of life skills they might need to preform and execute to live on their own as adults.  They simply want to do what is best for them, and fun.  They do not enjoy being part of a family unit, and the concept of being asked to contribute to that is one they find repulsive.  Any time they are asked to do anything - I am met with an eye roll, a shoulder shrug, a sigh, an annoyed tone.  I can't even get them to willingly wash their faces so that they are not scarred as adults.  It is clear, that I make them unhappy, and I am quite unhappy at this point trying to make them happy, because I fail so often.  I can't even ask them to pick up their cups (and of course they can't use just one, there are 5 people in this house and I cleaned up no less than 13 cups this morning (all used since yesterday) and only one of them was mine) without being made to feel like I am a huge nag.  So, today is my last day as a "mom". What my kids really want is a housekeeper, a maid to clean up after them so they don't have to do anything, a laundry attendant, a chef, a chauffeur - basically an all around servant.  They seem convinced that will make them happy - getting to live the good life, the carefree, I don't have to report to anyone or listen to a word you say life.  So starting today, my job description has changed.  I no longer have to care for them, or love them - I just need to take care of their stuff and drive them to where they need to be.  My opinion and feelings don't count or matter, nor is my advice or guidance needed- they know it all!  As a mom, all I wanted was for them to be happy, so now, by giving up that part of me - they can have what they want.  I will no longer feel like a failure, a nag, a pain in their butt. It's like the line from one of the girl's favorite songs "I spend her love until she's broke inside". My account is so overdrawn, I'd need to work the next three lifetimes as a housekeeper/nanny/chauffer just to even think about climbing out of this hole of debt.  Thankfully, by filing "bankruptcy" as a mom, and starting over new as a housekeeper/maid/attendant, that debt is wiped away and I too get a clean start.  I'm really happy that starting today, we can all just be happy - my new bosses because they no longer have to worry about being nagged or bothered with anything, and me, well, because I know my place.